Effortlessness is a Myth

Last night a friend said, "You're Instagram makes it all look so effortless." I laughed. "Thanks, it's Mom Theater; we're only sharing what we want others to see," I said light-heartedly, but my words were truthful.

She smiled, and I felt her uneasiness.

I wasn't sure if she was surprised or if I made her uncomfortable by saying something so honest - we only share what we want people to see.

This exchange reminded me of another conversation I had with an acquaintance. I hadn't spoken to her in a while, and she was worried. I told her I had a Blue Spell, my gentle way of saying my depression was more present. She seemed surprised, "But, you're so cheery, and you laugh so much." I paused for a moment and said, "The brightest lights cast the darkest shadows." You could see it on her face; she got it.

May was Mental Health Awareness Month, I was aiming to share my experience with managing my mental health, but I couldn't find the right words for some reason.

Then I heard, "You make it look effortless." It triggered something inside me. I immediately felt the urge to correct this impression. I wanted to tell her how I work each day at negotiating with my depression while parenting. I wanted to say there are days when I don't want to leave the house or get dressed, that I push against it, with routine, saltwater, fresh air, good friends, and Lexapro! It has taken me 25 years to learn how to listen to my depression and not ignore the nudge telling me something is off balance.

If I only share the brightest and shiniest parts of me, I am participating in upholding harmfully unrealistic standards or expectations - that life should look or be effortless.

We take in so many messages, particularly on social media, that are harmful baloney.
I don't want my voice to be one of those.
I want to be truthful.
I think that's far more helpful and promising.
Don't you think?